Entry: Watching Nov 20, 2003



This week I go under review,
thats when shrinks and other doctors, a prison review board member all watch me for 3 days, they ask me questions about my crimes, they watch me function in the prison on video during various activities, they interview me, i do logic and intellect quizzes, answer personal questions,  I also write a small story on a subject they give you and some other stuff.
Its horrible being scrutinized like this, its worse then a thousand men watching your every move. Just knowing the smallest thing could make them deny privledges that could shorten your sentence or cut you from the educational programs, their review is important enough to keep you here longer without any chance of rehabilitation. 
I just find the whole thing unnerving.
It means when i log on to this pc and type into my blog, if possible that week they'll be watching, I know they will go here anyways, its in my file that i type into this forum, so i sit here thinking as I type what could all the things i've typed mean too them.
i thought about reading every entry n deleting them if they seemed a little bit over the edge but then that defeats the purpose of the reason i have this blog in the first place. i need to think about this more.
I begin my review on monday i probably  assume they have already been here  as they would I'm sure have to familiarize themselves with my case.
Ahhh-- fuck it- i cant undo my thoughts!

Leaves this as it is, i'm not in the mood to be here today!

signed-
Alon



   6 comments

venkat
November 28, 2003   09:46 AM PST
 
You need not feel threatened by the glare ..your posts indicate that you are a fine humanbeing, much better than some of those who are out...:-)
Rree
November 21, 2003   01:31 AM PST
 
Buddy, never be ashamed of your thoughts & feelings. You have shown us who read this blog, that you have grown within and are doing all that you can do to spread ur wings and fly to the heights that you deserve to soar.
I think if these people read ur blog it will actually been a great insite into yourself and what goals you have set for yourself.
Positive thoughts mate, postive thoughts.
You WILL do great
Venka Says...
November 21, 2003   12:17 AM PST
 
This is you and your world as you see it...clever and witted and wisely spoken. This may be a part of you that would have been hidden and waisted. (except for the jail part) This blog is good for you and to you. Do not delete, do not feel penalized for who you are. That is what they are judging is who you are...I dont see a lunatic...I see someone who may have found a nitch to lead to great things later,,, your writings are marvelous.
Fingers crossed for you...but who will you show them if not your true self? KEEP THE BLOG AS IS ;)
tinypixie
November 20, 2003   09:03 PM PST
 
You know i think if they read your blog the conclusion they will come to is that you are a fantastic writer. It's hard NOT to be impressed with how you manage to weave these incredible tales out of what must be long days doing the same thing. I've really enjoyed your blog and i hope you don't delete your entries.
Melissa
November 20, 2003   02:37 PM PST
 
you are going to do great..im sure they will see what all of us here who read your blog see...a very intelligent person..one who has learned from his mistakes..and one who is willing to help other children who are in his shoes...and as for the writings you have to do..dont sweat it..your awesome at writing..just write how you feel about the said subject..you are gonna do great...we are all rooting for you..please let us know how it turns out...=o) GOOD LUCK HUN.
LOVE YA
MELISSA
Zombie
November 20, 2003   02:20 PM PST
 
I wish you the best of luck Alon. Not that you'll need it, but a little never hurts. I'm sure you'll do just fine.

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